


That's not my happy anything

by yunnikakennings



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Sorrythiswasrushed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 17:31:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10769067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yunnikakennings/pseuds/yunnikakennings
Summary: Simon and Baz undergo tough times. Maybe it's time to......break up.





	That's not my happy anything

**Author's Note:**

> Ahaha took a while to work on this but it still isn't very good (rushes to write in between breaks oops) but oh well, hope you kind of enjoy it (:  
> (Do leave feedback on how to improve too ^^)

**Baz:**

“You know it won’t work out Baz,” he shouts, his voice reverberating off the cold walls of the house, “your parents hate me, your siblings despise me, hell, aren’t you tired of me by now?” We suffered only snide remarks at first, by my parents and relatives-perhaps a couple of odd glances thrown our away as we walked down the streets hand in hand, an occasionally derogatory comment from strangers. It was all fine. We could take it, we thought our love could tide us through all of it. We thought we could make it through anything in each other’s arms. Well, we thought wrong.

Because months later, here we are in the apartment alone together arguing in the place we call “home”. (Penny left for America with her boyfriend). “We’ll make it through together?” I murmur, eyes staring beyond him, out of the window. I dare not meet his eyes, I dare not look to see the expression on his face.

“You’re not even sure of yourself, Baz, you can’t even make it a statement, and it’s a question to you! And the answer is no, we’ll never make it through together. I’ll never be good enough for you and you’ll never be strong enough to acknowledge that, you’ll never be strong enough to accept me as I am, you’ll never be able to be proud of me as your boyfriend! Why don’t you understand?” his voice cracks and his fists thud dully against the wall as he slumps into a squat, “we were never enough, Baz. We’re just not meant to be.”

My breath hitches at his words and I flinch. You’ll never be strong enough. Never strong enough. Not meant to be. And my vision blurs as tears fall fast in earnest, I press my hands to my face but my tears still leak through and I’m gone- just gone, I can’t do anything, I can’t say anything to stop him because he’s right. I’ve never taken been the one to take any form of initiative. We’d never have been boyfriends if he hadn’t asked. We’d never have kissed if he hadn’t first been brave. We’d never have crossed the line from enemies to lovers if he’d never taken the first step. And even when he did- even after he did, I couldn’t change. I didn’t dare introduce him to my parents. I never brought him along for family events.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry,” I gasp through my tears.

There were once days I would have mocked love.

I’d never have thought love would bring me to my knees.

** Simon: **

He falls apart in front of me, tearing apart at the seams and it’s all I can do to stop myself from wrapping him tight in my arms, to cocoon his shoulders from all that hurts him. But it’s me. I hurt him. But he’s hurting me too. We’re hurting each other. It’s not all his fault. It’s not all mine either. Maybe we just weren’t meant to be.

“Baz- no, the blame is not on you. It’s just- this is too hard- we can’t- we can’t carry on. Maybe fate never meant for us to be,” I let my head droop because I’m sorry- I’m sorry I’m giving up on this. I’m sorry I can’t carry on. Just- we’re not endgame, he and I. To be with him would be like swimming up against a crashing waterfall- we’d never win.

“Do it- Baz- for both of our sakes,” I hate that I have to be cruel to be kind. I have to end this before it ends us. We both deserve our happy endings, especially Baz. He’s brilliant and beautiful and he owns my heart. But I’ll never match up. He will always deserve more.

** Baz: **

And so I cast it. I know full well no one would ever be right for me. No one but Simon. But taking this path would lead him on to someone who truly deserves him, someone who would treat him better, someone who’s be an easy fit.

So I close my eyes and point my wand and choke out the spell.

_** “Happily Ever After” ** _

**Author's Note:**

> By the way, Happily Ever After is a spell that brings you (teleports you near to) to the person who is most compatible for you (an easy relationship) kind of like the test from The Book of Ivy that matches you to a suitable partner. (But that person may not be your true love)
> 
>  
> 
> I'm still not sure if I want to continue this but if I do, these may be potential endings...  
> (don't read if you're very particular and don't want to spoil the ending)
> 
> SPOILER ALERT:  
> 1) they are each other's happy ever after because there's no one else who'd complete them anyway  
> 2) Simon ends up with Agathaand is somewhat happy and Baz is alone but they meet years later at an event and their love is rekindled and they get it right this time  
> 3) Simon ends up with Agatha, Baz ends up with another boy and they're both happy, they meet years later but do not remember anything
> 
> Do let me know which ending you like best (my personal favourite is number 2 but I may write all alternative endings if I have the time) ((:


End file.
